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The first days...

In a way I'm glad that my surgery isn't until September 22. I need time to process all of this. I know that I am not as calm as I think I am. I know this because during my evening meditation sessions the past two evenings my mind has been all over the place, more so than usual.

Okay, so in the silver lining category: somewhere around the middle of June I stopped meditating in the evening. Actually, looking over my meditation journal at InsightTimer.Com I see that I really stopped around Memorial Day. For most of this year, especially from January until the end of April, I have been meditating for ten minutes before bed. And then we got busy, things happened, and before you know it, during June I meditated once (once!) and not even once in July.

Funny how you can get focused. I'm not about to be hanged, but this quote from Samuel Johnson came to mind:  “Depend upon it, sir, when a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates his mind wonderfully.” Having a diagnosis like cancer focuses the mind.

 And so I have "revived" my meditation practice, with help from my meditation teacher, Susan Piver, and the members of The Open Heart Project Sangha.

 It helps to know people are praying for me, and it's wonderful to be part of not one but two communities of faith. My Disciple Bible study group and everyone at my wonderful church, First Presbyterian Church of Yorktown and my friends at our wonderful shul, Bet Am Shalom Synagogue are keeping me in prayer. God must be tired of hearing about the Corey-Knapp household!

 At my age (or perhaps at any age), a cancer diagnosis can't help but remind me of my mortality: "memento mori"  so there's that.

 Now for the practical stuff: I called Phelps and will be picking up my slides and the "missing" mammogram CD-the one that shows where the clips are--on Monday for delivery to Dr. Cahan early next week.

 The next step for me is to hunker down with Susan Love's Breast Book. An earlier edition got me through DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ) twenty years ago. A lumpectomy and I was "good to go."

 The final step is for me to make a checklist and get everything down that I want to/need to do before surgery. Stay tuned!

 Oh, and if you tried to leave a comment and weren't able to--I inadvertently turned commenting off. I didn't mean to, I hope that you will comment.

Comments

  1. UnknownAugust 12, 2017 at 6:21 PM

    So now it’s your turn, my dear sister. My cancer journey began in April with a 3D mammogram and same day ultrasound. Followed by two biopsies. It doesn’t end with the completion of radiation. I’ve got new doctors in my contact list. Radiological Oncologist, Medical Oncologist and Surgeon. New medications too. Plus I found out I have osteoporosis of the spine. Soon I’ll be on a medication for that too. I’m reading the side effects and I’m not thrilled. I have more decisions to make.

    As you know I finished my radiation on Wednesday. I woke up on Thursday pleased that the day was mine to do whatever I cared to do. We didn’t have that one hour ride to the Sparta Cancer Center! You know what I did? NOTHING. I was too exhausted, sore and itchy to do anything. I had hit the wall. The last five treatments were really intense and left me tired and sore.

    But I’m so grateful that it was caught early. I spend most of my life appreciating the silver linings. But now that radiation is over I’m processing the fact that the word cancer is part of my life now and forever.

    I’d give anything if you didn’t have to go through this! And both breasts! I'm here for you. Call me anytime day or night. I love you.

    ReplyDelete

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