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"The waiting is the hardest part" Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

"The waiting is the hardest part" Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers sang in 1981. And boy were they right.

The longer I wait, the more I remember my previous lumpectomy 20 years ago. With no radiation. And smaller.

And the memories aren't great.

And then I've been speaking with my sister, who has been down this road and is now having time to process it. And she's sad.

I'm scared, mostly of the way that they locate the spot--with a needle. I remember that I nearly fainted last time, and this time I have both sides to live through.

I'm not afraid of the surgery-I've had so much surgery (cysts removed when I was 17, ligament repair at 25, tonsillectomy at 30, lumpectomy in my late 40's, hand surgery five years ago to release a compressed ulnar nerve). The best part of surgery is they knock you out so you have no idea what's going on.

I'm not crazy about the recovery. I have vivid memories of being in the hospital the summer I was 17. The girl in the next bed was having a "nose job." The night before surgery we chatted like old friends. The next day we both were miserable. If I close my eyes I can still see the neon lights of the restaurant across from the hospital in Queens. My mother came into my room to find me lying in wet sheets-the IV had slipped out and no one noticed.

And I remember my mother coming to see me in the hospital when I had my ligament repair. Those were the days when they actually kept you in the hospital--I think I was there for a week, in a cast from hip to ankle. And the cast was so tight at my ankle that it was abrading the skin. The nurse dismissed my complaints but my mother insisted that someone come look, and sure enough, I was sore. I still have that scar, although it's faded.

It might not have happened that way but that's how I remember it.

So I have nearly 30 days to wait and worry--I won't know what time my surgery is until the day before, September 21, the first day of Rosh Hashanah. All I know is that I'll be coming home that evening, whatever time the surgery is.

I hope that 5778 isn't going to be a year of these kinds of surprises!

Comments

  1. UnknownAugust 23, 2017 at 7:12 PM

    Connie, the care you'll get at the hospital in September will be NOTHING like it was all those years ago!! Everyone is so attentive and caring. As you know, my surgery was at Newton Medical Center in Newton, NJ. They have a wonderful Center for Breast Health with state of the art equipment and a great staff. The nurses will give you first rate care. Some of them are survivors themselves.

    Don't fret over the needle that guides the surgeon. Even that wasn't as tough as last time. You'll see.

    I will tell you though that I wish your surgery wasn't so far away. Too long to wait. Keep busy and do fun stuff.

    Love you. 💜

    ReplyDelete
  2. ConnieAugust 24, 2017 at 7:16 AM

    Thanks for the encouragement--I need it!
    Love you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousAugust 26, 2017 at 7:50 AM

    I can echo what Gini said -the times we have been in the hospital for various procedures with Julia, we have met some wonderful nurses. Also, the pre-op and post-op units have been more than adequately staffed to provide needed help.
    Hang tough! Love, Kathy R

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ConnieAugust 27, 2017 at 7:43 AM

      Thanks-that's good to know, although I'm sorry that Julia has had to have so many procedures.

      Delete
  4. AnonymousAugust 26, 2017 at 5:55 PM

    We must find things to do to pass the time that remind you of the glory of every day and the mercy and grace of God --- walking, gardening, visiting beautiful gardens, going to a concert, dancing....
    anytime you want to walk, let me know...
    Christie

    ReplyDelete

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