Connie's Cancer Chronicles

I have been thinking alot lately about the power of prayer. I've been joking that God must be tired of hearing about "Connie Knapp" -- my beloved church congregation is praying for me, our synagogue is praying for me, and I think there are probably some folks who never pray who might be praying for me. Last night my church held a longest night service. I find great comfort in being with a community in the darkness of the longest night, of naming the darkness, whether it is our own darkness or the darkness of the world. I especially find great comfort in doing this during Advent, when we wait for the light to come into the world. During our service, those who are present are invited to join with someone to light a candle, say a prayer, or be prayed with and/or over. I have had the privilege of being the "pray-er" in the past, and last night I was invited to be a "pray-er" again. Okay, so this is where this post gets weird, so hold onto your hats...

Today was radiation treatment #17 out of 33--I've passed the halfway mark! http://keywordsuggest.org/gallery/59665.html To celebrate I had an acupuncture treatment. Well not exactly to celebrate-I scheduled this a while ago, but it felt like a celebration. I read (or perhaps I was told?) that acupuncture would help with radiation fatigue and Dr. Vanessa McKay-Barr, the acupuncturist, told me to get a treatment before I was fatigued. So I did. I've had acupuncture before, but not like this-this was amazing! She spent about 30 minutes asking me questions related to my health. Most of the usual questions (any illness, high blood pressure, etc.) and then off we went into the treatment room. Her treatment room is basically an exam room with an acupuncture table in it. She not only put needles in my legs, feet and arms, but also my ear! and my belly. Then she put an infrared heat lamp on my feet and left me for a while. I drifted off into a place that I can only describe a...

and I'm feeling tired. It could be from my workouts and it could be from the radiation. Whatever it's from, it's 6:20 and I can barely keep my eyes open. And today was a quiet day--up at the usual time, at the gym around 8ish, home to get ready for radiation, lunch out (really loving Exit 4 in Mt Kisco ) and then an afternoon of resting. I won't bore you with all of the things I didn't do that were on my "to do" list. Suffice it to say that I lay around and rested. I can't wait to see the acupuncturist at Northern Westchester for a treatment. I think I'm at the point where my guided imagery , extra glutamine  (thank you, Dr. Saltzman !), easy workouts and healthful eating (you wouldn't believe how I've cut my wine drinking down!) aren't enough for the likes of radiation therapy. Ah, Gilda Radner !! I have a much better idea of what you meant when you said, "it's always something!"

So every week or so the doctor wants to take a blood sample. They are monitoring my blood count--apparently radiation can take a toll on your blood. Great! So this past Tuesday as we were walking out the door, Judy, one of the techs, said, oh, you need to see the nurse on your way out.  The nurse, Christine, says that she's going to take my "vitals" and blood. So here's the deal: my "best" arm is my right arm, but no one will take blood pressure, or blood, from that arm because I had one lymph node removed. So it's the left arm. And to add to the fun, I'm a fainter. Weight: check. Blood pressure: check. Dr. Tinger comes in, looks at my boobs, so far, so good, no radiation burns. Everything looks great. I mention that my breasts feel a little sore, and I ask if that could be from the radiation, or possibly from my workouts. Both Dr. Tinger and Christine perk up at that. You're not raising your weights, are you? Dr. Tinger asks. No one has s...

After a false start -- I got a phone call yesterday at 7 AM to let me know that the machine was "down" and we'd have to start today and not yesterday -- my radiation therapy started today, rather anti-climatically. We arrived a bit early, Judy (I think Judy is an oncology/radiation nurse) met us and let me know that they were running a bit late. She asked that I get into a robe and then come out into the " healing garden " and wait. This is quite a cancer center-to see the " healing garden " click and go to the second picture. We waited a short while, and then Walkeria (I am sure that I just butchered the poor woman's name), the radiation technician/manager who did my "mold" on my first visit came to say hello and tell us about " arm knitting ." She saw Anne knitting a scarf which prompted the entire conversation. Who knew? Judy came out in the middle of all of this and told me it was my turn. I lay down on the table, we did...

Where to begin? Yesterday (Tuesday) I had my radiation "simulation" and got my "tattoos" -- little blue dots, really, and lucky me, I get to have five! This week started off, well, shitty. I had a Monday afternoon appointment to have all of this done but we got a call Monday morning from the Cancer Center from someone who told us that "the plan wasn't ready, could I come in on Tuesday at 1 PM instead?" That wasn't actually a suggestion, that was the only appointment available. And we had haircut appointments in the morning. It worked out fine for me, since I was just getting a haircut at 10:30 in Bedford Hills and could easily get to Mt Kisco by 1 PM, but Anne wasn't going to be able to join me. I was okay with that but Anne wasn't. I have no idea how someone handles this if they are working--what if you had arranged to take Monday afternoon off, and suddenly you need to work on Monday and take Tuesday afternoon off? Never have I b...

Or should I say "burn?" The current way cancer is treated in this country can be summed up by "cut, poison, burn" and I've done "cut," can skip "poison," and now all that's left is "burn." And since I need to have radiation in both breasts, it's almost like "double burn." The current radiation dose is something like 1.8 "something or others" if you opt for six weeks, 2.8 "something or others" if you opt for three weeks. Now double it. Ouch! The manager of radiology basically said that no matter what shape I'm in I'll be tired after the treatments. Really really tired. Getting to the gym three times a week isn't going to do it. Great. Dr Salzman will work with me to detox afterward and build up my anti-oxidants (even though she doesn't agree that I shouldn't take anti-oxidants during my treatment-she feels that it would be better if I did take them, but Dr Tinger disagre...